I set myself up to watch NCAA basketball by sleeping a little late Thursday morning and getting a cupa mocha java late in the afternoon.   I thought I was all set up for a late night.   After dinner I sat down to the TV figuring maybe CBS would pump its hot ticket by breaking away from the news to do a little pre-game.   I was wrong.   Instead I sat through 15 minutes of Bob Schieffer anchoring the CBS news, or tried to.   The next experience I had was a feeling of not knowing where I was or how I got there.   And to beat it all, Shelden Williams was making a face I had never seen a human being make and J. J. Redick was crying!

A grown man was crying, on national TV!   What had happened, what had I missed?   Had I done a Rip Van Winkle?   No, the D-U-K-E was visible on Redick's jersey.   He was still in college, it was still 2006.   But, I wondered, had we just experienced a terrorist attack?   What was causing the man to cry?   Then I saw the score and even though I didn't really understand why he was crying, I felt a little like crying too.   I had missed the great Duke going down and all because I dared to watch CBS News.   Bob Schieffer once quipped that CBS News ratings were partially inflated because people watching the channel frequently die in their sleep leaving the set on and tuned to the channel.   I think I understand that now.   But this all is really my clumsy way of segueing into the "hottest political news" on the web.

Dick Cheney has an actual list of things he must have when he travels!   The smoking gun reported and Cheney's staff verified this troubling fact.   The left hemisphere of the blogisphere (it isn't really a sphere but let's not go in a circle) is totally abuzz with criticisms of Cheney's "rock-star-like" demands.   He demands all lights be on; the temperature of the room be 68 degrees; and the room must have a queen or king bed, a desk with a chair, a private bathroom, a container for ice, a microwave oven and a coffee pot, with decaf brewed before arrival.   Last time I checked into a motel, all those things were present except for the already brewing coffee and, of course, I had to flip the light switch.   But this "rock star treatment" is not all Cheney requires.   He also requires all televisions sets to be tuned to Fox News.   fox news.   We knew there was a conspiracy there!

So, what's up with Cheney's choice of Fox News?   Why can't he watch one of the "real news" shows on the networks?   Maybe he doesn't want to suffer the same circumstances which befell me.   Maybe he wants to stay awake to see the annual Duke-sweet-16-ouster game.

I suppose he could watch NBC but, with all due respect to Brian Williams, NBC has hardly been doing the news justice these past couple of years.   Regardless of who is reading the copy, the broadcast is so slanted, Cheney, or anyone else for that matter, would risk falling off the bed and onto the floor, if he did that.   And if that happened, presumably there would be another trip to the hospital to explain to the Whitehouse Press Corpse.

Well, there's always ABC.   Right!   They present the news accurately, don't they?   Sure they do if you want to see only the bad right, good left half.   The only thing I can stomach on ABC is John Stossel.

OK, so he's forced to tune into cable news, what's wrong with CNN?   Bahahahahaha!   Wolf Blitzen in the situation comedy room?   Anderson Blooper?   If you want to see crying, you should watch Duke losing a basketball game.   Cooper's crying got him this gig but that only goes so far.   You can't even get GOOD biased news from CNN anymore.   Now that Aaron Brown isn't stoically smirking (if that's possible) at anything positive while delving deeper into everything negative about those evil Republicans, there isn't much really available on CNN.

That leaves only Brit Hume and company on Fox who, you've got to admit, do a pretty good job.   O'Reilly gets to be a bore unless he's bullying somebody.   Hannity and Clumsy is a bit over the top as they bring in left and right to talk over each other.   Greta Van Hillary needs to do something besides talking to a stable of lawyers about the most sensational crime case of the day but that's the only gig she knows.   And when these shows are contrasted with what their competition is doing, well, that's why they get ratings.

After all, the Vice President is supposed to not only stay awake, he's also supposed to be informed about what is going on.   It is part of the job description.   Be the President's right hand man, know what's going on, stay awake, and if the Pres dies, you're it.   I guess Cheney does need to sleep sometimes but for that, his hotel demands include copies of the New York Times and USA Today.   Also I suppose the king-of-the-hotel-castle could always work the remote so CBS news is on.   Working the remote is not part of the job description but something tells me he can handle it.

Jeeze, Duke loses and its a light news day?   We should care that the VP wants decaf?   What was I saying about the network newsies?   What are they focusing on today?